Human Seahorses
by mpregstiel
Summary: Castiel is pregnant. Dean is the father. Sam plays midwife.


Castiel's eyes fixed on Dean. "Dean. I need to tell you something"

Dean looked up from his slice of pie. "Yeah, Cas? Make it quick, this pie aint gonna eat itself"

The angel's expression remained stony. "It's important, Dean"

Oh no. Castiel had said 'Dean' in both sentances. That automatically meant that Dean was in deep shit.

He put down his fork, and swallowed heavily. "Alright!" he said, in mock enthusiasm. "Shoot, Angelface"

Castiel seemed to take a deep breath, and then sighed. "I appear to be- well, I think I'm - well, you know"

"Homosexual?" Dean said, raising an eyebrow.

"Pregnant" Replied Cas.

-

The next few days passed in a blur. Pregnant? Cas was pregnant? He gripped his mobile in his hand, his knuckles white. He needed to call Sam. He quickly dialed his number and put the phone to his ear, leaning against the fridge.

"Dean? What is it, is somebody h-"

"Shut it, Sammy. It's serious, we need to talk."

"If it's about Cas" Sam's voice came down the line soft, like he was trying to comfort a puppy. "I know about you two, I knew since-"

"No! It's not that!" Dean snarled into the reciever, staring out of the window of the motel room. If he threw the phone it would land in the road and be crushed by a truck, and then he wouldn't have to tell sam and everythig would be fine and cas wouldn't be fucking pregnant and-

"Dean" His voice was kind and soft and Dean felt all rage leave him.  
He slithered down the chair, onto the floor. He lie there, his head resting against the chair legs. He probably looked very pitiful but could not find it in himself to care.

"Cas is, he's, well he's-"

Dean paused, and when he swallowed, Sam could hear it down the line.

"Cas is pregnant"

And then Dean saw black, because the floor seemingly dove at his face, and he let himself be dragged into the dark.

When he next came to, he was on the sofa. Groggily, he sat up, confused, wondering if he'd drank too much and Cas had dragged him onto the sofa. Wait. Cas.

"Be careful, Dean. You hit your head on the floor" Castiel said very seriously. He was stood near the window, waiting for Sam. "I told your brother everything-"

"Everything?" His voice came out weak and whispery.

"Well, yes. The reproduction of angels, and the penetration-"

"You told my brother we were fucking?!" Dean's voice came out closer to normal, and he raked his hands through his hair. "Jesus, jesus Christ, Cas"

"Please don't use the name of Christ against me while I carry our bastard child" Castiel replied. "Besides, he already knew."

"Oh god, oh god, oh god" Dean said, lost in inner turmoil. "God, god"

"God can do nothing for you now" Castiel said cynically. "You, as I believe, 'knocked me up'"

"Can't you get rid of it? Just, you know, abort it-"

Castiel grabbed him by the throat, pressing him back against the sofa. "You put your penis into my rectum. Now deal with the consequences. We are having this baby. Without it, the universe may explode"

"But dudes don't usually get pregna-"

"I am not a 'dude' I am a Angel of the lord. Angels only become pregnant when He wishes we must."

"Go fuck yourself" Dean snarled, trying to push him away. Cas felt like he was made of stone.

"if you hadn't fucked me, we wouldn't be in this mess. Anyway, be careful, Dean" Castiel said. "I am with child"

-

Living with a pregnant Castiel wasn't as bad as Dean had thought. Castiel got weird food cravings - like kangaroo penis - but it was just like normal.

Sam visited, and Dean was very unhappy to realize that Sam was very much interested in the science of how this worked. Dean wanted nothing to do with it. He wished he had never had sex with Cas.

He wished that he never had a penis so it would have never made Cas pregant. He eyed the bread knife.

"Angels have three inner vaginas" Castiel explained. "Our anatomy is very different - Up the rectum, there is an entrance to the vaginas. I have three wombs also" Castiel said, without embarrasment. "It means I could be carrying up to three children, but I only have one"

Dean felt sick, so he was. In the sink in the kitchen, which left a large amount of disgusting chunks stuck in the plug. Sadly, he pushed each lump of vomit down the plughole with his index finger, while he listened to Sam and Cas talk about morning sickness.

The evening of the birth arrived. Sam was very eager to play midwife, and he busied himself with preparing himself with the things they would need. Unfortunately they did not really have much aside from a turkey baster, a bowl of hot water and a pair of scissors. Sam hoped it would be enough.

Castiel was draped on the sofa. His rectum had become to bleed a watery green liquid, which Castiel assured meant nothing bad was happening. It just meant that the baby was ready to come down his birth canal and then be birthed through the small hole at the end of his penis.

"Won't it hurt?" Dean asked, frowning. It sounded very painful, a dick baby.

"No, I am an angel Dean" Castiel replied. "I will use my grace to stop the pain"

"Can't you just, you know, poof the baby out? Use your angel mojo?"

Castiel glared. "No. This must happen entirely naturally. I assure you dean, I will be fine"

Suddenly Castiel screamed very loudly. His penis began to swell very, very large, like a balloon. Dean stepped back, his face twisted in a picture of horror. Sam leapt up from the table and bounced over, his hands in white gloves.

"Okay, what do I do?" Sam asked. He stared at Castiel's balloon penis, as it shuddered and moved. Soon, it was the size of a basketball. The hole in the end began to convulse, sweating a green, muscy liquid that drooled his wiry pubic thatch and down his thighs. Castiel screamed again.

"You, you, help it out" Castiel panted, with his teeth bared. He had lied to Dean. It would actually hurt a lot. It was very painful now.

"How?!" Sam said, his eyes wide and his face flushed. Here he was, kneeling in front of a pregant castiel with a belly stretched wider than a bongo drum, with a large inflated, writhing penis moving around right before his eyes. There was a terrible smell, like blood and mucus and what smelled like rotten meat. He gagged, tears in eyes, and put on a surgical mask.

"Get my...shaft" Castiel said through gritted teeth, straining against the sofa.

Dean grabbed Castiel's hand and held it. Castiel squeezed it very hard and broke all 4 fingers and dislocated his thumb. Dean stayed quiet even though he was in pain. If having his fingers broke hurt that much he couldn't imagine what having a baby come out of his dick would be like. He thanked God that it was Castiel who was carrying the child.

Sam grabbed Castiel's huge cock. It was almost a round shape, and he grabbed his pliers that he found in a bin.

"IT'S NOT READY" castiel shouted suddenly. "IT'S BEING BORN TOO EARLY"

But it was too late. Sam opened the end of his penis with the pliers, pulling back the tender skin. It began to bleed, blood spurting over Sam's mask. "Dean, help" sam asked

Dean removed his crippled hand from Cas' grip and stared "What do I do?"

"Pull it out" Sam said. His hair was mussed up and he was sweaty like a model.

Dean stared and gingerly put his finger forward towards the trembling, pulsing birthing cock. Jesus christ. Jesus fuck.

He put his finger inside while sam held it open and almost recoiled. It was hot and the smell, oh god the smell was so bad, and it felt gooey and wet. He jerked when his digit found something that was squirming and white hot.

The baby. He just needed to pull, get it out-

"You need to- put- it all in. Your arm. Up to the elbow. It goes too far deep to pull it from the front" Castiel said. He was so pale he looked dead and tears were on his blotchy cheeks. His eyes were shining golden, glowing.

"My arm" Dean said. This had to be a dream, this had to be, it couldn't be-

"DEAN, FUCKING DO IT" Sam shouted, startling him.

"Okay" dean sobbed "okay I'm doing it jesus jesus help help oh god oh oh no" he mumbled as he slid the finger deep up into the cock, up to some warm depths that pulsed and gripped at his fingers. His arm kept going, to some unknown depth, until his face was pressed against the big cock.

"Teeth, use your teeth" Castiel sobbed weakly. "It;s the only way"

Dea hissed and put his face toward the engourged, worming member. It had stretched wide enough wide his arm. He put his face toward it and shuddered when the slime covered his nose, his eyes, oh god it went up his nose and he was going to die, choke on some cock goo-

His face touched something that felt like nothing he'd felt before, and he realized it was the baby. He opened his mouth, taking in mucusy mouthfulls of hot, slimy discharge and blood and piss and feces. He gagged as it went down his throat, and then suddenly his head was trapped inside the cock chamber, and it was swallowing his fucking head.

Something slid into his mouth, and he bit down. The baby, the baby, oh he got the baby, and he just needed to pull his head backwards now and bring it with him. But he couldn't. His head was trapped, rammed in the suffocating depths, as liquids slithered past his teeth and down his open throat. He tried to scream, but he couldn't.

His mouth was being pulled open wider and wider, and something was getting in, the baby was getting in his mouth and going down his throat. Dean felt his jaw breaking as it went in forcefully, and some of his teeth cracked as it went down, as it brushed past with its slimy pulsing wetness and unrooted them like they were butter. His closed eyes were streaming with tears, the pain, and he was screaming inside.

Castiel and Sam were both screaming too. Sam in horror, Castiel in could hear them from outside of the penis chamber, and all he could feel was the thing invading, going deeper and slipping past.

And suddenly, it was over. The thing crawled down his throat and interwound around his organs, making itself a nest to sleep in. The penis chamber let him go, in a gush of blood and hot frothing liquid. He jerked backwards, flopping over the edge of the sofa, and cried out

"It's in me! Oh god, it's in me, get it out,get it out please fuck FUCK CAS GET IT OUT"

Nobody replied. There was only silence, and Dean fainted dead away.

-  
When Dean next woke up, he jumped. Cas and sam were sat very close to him. Castiel had a hand on his stomach, and was murmering something in Enochian.

"It's in me" Dean whispered, his voice watery and rough. "It got in"

"Yes, I know, Dean" Castiel looked up.  
"It's your turn to carry it now, for the final stage of pregnancy. Didn't I tell you?"

Dean was speechless. He stared into those blue eyes, and words would not come.

Castiel gave Dean's stomach one last pat.  
then, when he looked back up to Dean's unbelieving, horrified eyes

he began to smile


End file.
